竟然不到6.30。清晨微雨。But how can I be sleepless? For Pete’s sake, I’ve barely gotten rid of the swollen throat and should need every bit of sleep! Please, my dear brain, tell my body to tell my brain to tell my body that I need sleep!
事實是：昨天晚上我並不覺得我有什麼緊張。每個醫生都會問，是否壓力大？緊張是否是個因素？Western doctors say to me that the recurring swollen throat can result from hyperchlorhydria (hyperacidity, namely the excess of gastric acid). True as that may be, that’s just a part of me, and for the moment I think I have my pressure under control. 老實昨天V問我時，我還真的覺得，了不起只是上上週那個倒楣的出差、最後因為錯過班機改搭下一班、導致我那天幾乎一整天沒睡咩。事後我也試著補回來了。
今早現在我不得不承認我緊張。Yes I have good reasons to be nervous, partly thanks all to that stupid 2012 UEFA (European Football Championship)! Yes I probably enjoy watching cute guys covered in dirt running around in shorts, but hey I don’t need more than watching it for 13 minutes per year! 而六月因此湧入波蘭的遊客會對我的行程造成什麼影響？我先不想去想。All I want is relatively quieter time! Yes this is Damian, self-absorbed Damian, join the song if you know the lines. 可是現在離出發的五月一日距離早就不到二個月了。即使不去翻我自己的行程表，我想距我到達第一個重要波蘭大城Gdansk也不到三個月了吧。三個月！三個月！三個月！三個月！
（不完全相關的一句：So exactly why do I need to visit Poland in May and June? The answer is simple: I finally have the chance to visit beloved Europe again, and I WANT TO SEE OPERAS! Oh the programs of Polish opera houses make me drool.）
I really think I’ve changed a lot over the years, since my mind knows my body and my mind can no longer “pressure” myself as if squeezing some lemon. I’m definitely no longer the Damian that took courses of 30 credits for a semester even though well aware of the upper limit of 25 set by my University while taking up two to four tutor jobs, participating in a choir and having a relationship (well, sort of). But I guess a part of that Damian never goes away. Probably never will. I’m too well taught (by whom?) to be “responsible,” and by “responsible” I mean fulfilling every and each task in a list. At least it was easy — everything has a chart or a list; if not I definitely had made one. I used to always create a one-page (ok, sometimes two-) table to see exactly which courses I could take. (As for less complicated things such as exam schedules or assignments, the most I did in college was to grab a piece of paper to doodle a bit, counting back when I needed to start preparing — having a pocket notebook to track them was already too high-school.)
我希望，未來這年，我可以，學會如何更放鬆。And this is official: I need specific methods to practice how to relax. Anyone’s got some? (Please, be methodical.)